How having a baby could make you a master criminal!

How having a baby could make you a master criminal!

Its amazing that something so innocent as a newborn baby could help you pursue a life of crime. How can this be,  well let’s look at the post baby training all parents subliminally recieve.

At night you learn very quickly how to move around without being noticed and gain excellent night vision when looking for the misplaced soother. You also adapt into a statue of you are unfortunate enough to tread on a loose board.

You gain amazing timing skills very important to any master criminal. Everything you do in life now is meticulously planned around the eating and pooping cycle of a baby.

On occasion you need to negotiate/blackmail the little one to get them to eat outside of the normal cycle or even to quieten them. Again,  great characteristics of a criminal.

Outside of the babies world you learn to be a very convincing liar, particularly when dealing with unwanted opinions such as,  you need to put her to bed earlier,  you need to change her food etc etc… You just smile and move on, very convincing if you’re in court I’m sure.

All of the above enhance your resilience which you may need if your criminal career goes wrong and you end up behind bars! Coming to think of it you also fine tune your endurance with a growing baby as you watch a 1 hour programme in around 2 hours with umpteen food, tidy, poo breaks!

All in all I don’t think I’ll turn to a life of crime, not yet anyway. I’m not sure about Sarah though, she looks well dodgy in those shades.



4 thoughts on “How having a baby could make you a master criminal!

  1. Ha I love this! Never thought of it like this but now I’m prepared should I ever need to take such measures in life 😉 found you via Slouching Towards Thatchum

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